


I'll Be Missing You

by kroas_adtam



Series: Prompts [1]
Category: All Time Low (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Fluff, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Rilex - Freeform, very slight mention of self harm, writing prompts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-24
Updated: 2017-11-24
Packaged: 2019-02-06 10:26:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12815547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kroas_adtam/pseuds/kroas_adtam
Summary: Prompt: Long Distance Relationship + RilexAlex is granted a once in a life time opportunity.Rian desperately misses him.





	I'll Be Missing You

“E…. England…?”

“I know, but it’s only for a few months, I’ll be home before Christmas…”

Rian looked down. “But… I’ll miss you…”

“I know… I’ll miss you too, like fuckin’ crazy.” Alex tilted Rian’s chin back up. “But hey, when I come back, we’ll have the rest of the year together. Then we move into our apartment in June!”

Rian reached up and pulled Alex to him, his lanky dormmate/boyfriend giggled, climbing into Rian’s lap. Rian rested his hands on Alex’s hips as he gazed up at him.

“Do you have to go?” Rian knew he was being selfish for asking, but he hated the fact that he’d be losing Alex for nearly a whole semester.

Alex nodded, wrapping his arms around Rian’s neck. “It’s a once in a life time opportunity. And I’ll be back before you know it.”

“Al, I notice when you go home for the weekend… This is four months… Four months away from you.”

“Baby…” Alex pouted a bit, leaned his head down and rested on Rian’s shoulder. “I hate seeing you this sad…”

Rian wrapped his arms around Alex, resting his cheek against Alex’s hair. “It’s going to be so boring here without you.”

“Well hey, you can work on your composition in the quiet now.” Alex grinned. He and Rian usually got… distracted, when they were working on their junior projects.

“I don’t care about that, I care that I’m not going to wake up to you smushed in my bunk with me every day.” He turned his head and kissed Alex’s hair. “I care that I won’t get to spend every day with you.” Alex lifted his head, pressing his lips to Rian’s.

“I hate that I won’t get to spend every day with you, too.” He kissed Rian softly, but ran his fingers through Rian’s hair, nails lightly grazing his scalp. Rian hummed against his lips, pulling him closer by the hips.

"Guess we'll have to make up for the time we'll be losing."

Alex grinned, kissing his boyfriend, as they burned the afternoon into the evening, forgetting about their classes, trying to forget about Alex's Saturday morning flight.

***

Rian was miserable. It was a week since he had kissed his boyfriend goodbye at the airport. It was a week since he had hugged his boyfriend tight to him. It was a week since he had told Alex he loved him over, and over, and over again until his voice was hoarse from tears. It had been a week since Alex’s hands held his face, since Alex’s voice was a sad whisper, promising Rian he loved him more than anything and that the months would fly by.

“Not fast enough.” Rian had said against Alex’s warm lips. “Come home soon. I’m going to go mad without you.”

“I’ll call you as often as I can. I’ll email you every day. I’ll send you pictures as often as I can.” Alex had kissed Rian until his lungs screamed for air. They had to finally part when the final boarding call was announced over the gate’s PA.

He waited in front of his computer screen, Alex had emailed him that morning promising a Skype call, the promise of seeing Alex’s beautiful face, crooked smile, warm eyes was the only thing keeping Rian from sulking in the dark of their dorm room. The room that was far, far too empty without his boyfriend in there making noises.

Finally, the incoming call tune played. Rian’s pouting expression spread into a wide smile as he hit the answer button. The moment he saw Alex’s face smiling at him, he felt tears well up in his eyes.

“Baby!” Alex’s voice was a bit distorted by the laptop microphone, but Rian didn’t care. There he was, calling Rian his sweet pet name, smiling brilliantly at him. “Fuck, I knew I missed you, but I didn’t realize how much I missed you.”

Rian smiled, resting his chin in his hand. “I miss you so fucking much, Lexi. I—“

“Lexi?” Rian blinked as a voice floated over the computer, he watched as Alex looked up at the owner. “You go by Lexi??” There was a slight laugh to the voice.

“No, only Rian can call me that.”

Who the fuck was talking to his boyfriend?

Rian wasn’t the jealous type, but he didn’t like the way this disembodied voice was laughing at his Alex.

“Let me see the special boy who can only call you a girl’s name!”

Rian’s eye twitched. Alex didn’t ever deserve to be spoken to that way.

A face came on to the screen, pushing a protesting Alex out of the way. This person was a lanky kid with a scruffy face, black hair with a white streak through it.

“Who are you?” Rian’s tone bordered on venomous.

“I’m Jack. Who the fuck are you?” The boy named Jack grinned, easily reading Rian’s expression.

“I’m Rian. Alex’s boyfriend.”

“Oh good! Then, can you tell me if he’s a good fuck? He’s so thin, I bet it’s like fuckin a—“

“Stop!” Alex shoved Jack out of the frame, his face brilliantly red. “I’m so sorry, Ri, he’s so fucking annoying.”

“Your new roommate?” Rian felt a bit of anger bubble. In his brain he was trying to think of a good way to get to England in the next hour.

“No, he’s my roommate’s annoying boyfriend.” Alex sighed softly, he gaze turned soft as he looked at Rian through the computer. “I miss you… I miss waking up to you…” Rian watched as Alex’s nose turned pink and his eyes started shining. His heart sunk.

“Baby, please don’t cry, please? I hate that I can’t be there to hug you, please, please don’t cry…”

“I’ll hug him!” Jack’s voice came from somewhere behind the laptop.

“Don’t touch him!” Rian barked, Alex blinked in surprise, Rian turned red. Alex grinned through his tears.

“I love it when you get jealous.” He giggled.

“I’m sorry, baby… I just miss you so much… I never realized how miserable this place is without you here with me…”

Alex’s expression turned worried. “Ri, please tell me you’ve been going out and doing things… Please tell me you haven’t been holed up in our room…”

Rian shrugged and looked down. “I don’t have many friends, Al… I usually went to parties only with you…”

“Baby… I don’t want you to get bad again…” He spoke gently to Rian. Rian felt the lump form in his throat.

“I won’t Al, I promise… I’ll start going to the gym or something…”

“The gym? Zack goes to the gym a lot. Want to meet him? He’s my roommate.”

“Sure,” He chuckled softly as Alex turned the laptop around to show Jack on the couch, cuddled into a beefy man’s side, he had short hair and tattoos on his arms. Rian waved a bit response to the small wave and dimple-y smile Alex’s roommate give him. “Nice to meet you.”

“Likewise. Where you from?”

“Baltimore.”

“Me too, so is Jack.” Zack put his arm around the skunk-haired boy’s shoulders.

Alex turned the laptop back to him and sighed softly, gazing at Rian. “I miss you.”

“I miss you too…” Rian said, he reached a finger up and traced it over Alex’s face on the screen, craving to actually touch him. “So, tell me about your classes, tell me what you’ve been up to for the week.”

They talked for hours until Rian noticed the time. “Baby, isn’t it like 2am?”

“Yeah, but I want to keep talking to you.” Alex smiled softly. Rian could tell he was tired though.

“Go to bed baby, you look like you’re gonna pass out.”

Alex looked down. “It’s hard sleeping without you next to me.”

Rian’s eyebrows pulled together. “It’s hard for me too.”

Alex sighed and yawned.

“Get some sleep, my love. We’ll Skype again soon, okay?”

“Tomorrow?”

Rian smiled. “Tomorrow. Perfect. Get some sleep, don’t be late for your morning class.”

Alex smiled drowsily. “I love you, Rian.”

“I love you too, Alex.”

“Goodnight baby.” Alex pressed a kiss to his fingers, then to the computer screen. Rian did the same.

“Goodnight, Lexi.”

They reluctantly ended the call, and Rian climbed into his bunk, sighing softly. He wasn’t clingy, but he missed the way Alex filled the empty slot next to him.

It was going to be a long four months.

***

“Rian…”

“Hm?” Rian forced his eyes back into focus. It was their 100th or so skype call, they had managed to call every day.

“Baby, when’s the last time you slept?”

“Um…” Rian had to think, but his brain couldn’t keep focus. “I’m not sure…”

“What have you been doing that’s been keeping you up?”

“Working on my composition, it’s been a lot harder than I thought. I have the drum beat and the piano down, but the words and guitar are evading me. My guitar instructor has cancelled our last 3 lessons, so I’m behind on learning it too.”

“Awe, baby. I’m sorry.”

Alex had been teaching him guitar before he left for England, but with his favorite teacher gone, Rian had to find a new one. And the girl was flakey as fuck.

“How’s your composition coming?”

“Great! I’m almost done but—“ He blushed lightly and looked down. “It’s hard for me to not start crying during it.”

“What do you mean?”

Alex sighed softly. “I promise I’ll play it for you, but I want to perfect it before I do.” He smiled at Rian.

Rian smiled sadly, he wanted to touch his boyfriend. He wanted to hug him, smell his shampoo in his hair, kiss his soft lips.

“nnn… Rian!”

Rian’s head snapped back up as he blinked blearily at the computer screen. Alex gave him a soft chuckle.

“Baby, go to bed. Right now. You’ve fallen asleep on me twice now.”

“But—“

“No buts, go to bed, I’ll call you tomorrow.”

Rian gave him a tired smile. “I love you, Lexi.”

“I love you too, Ri. I love you so much.”

Rian sighed when they hung up, climbing back into bed.

Three more months.

***

“Lexi, you look miserable.” Rian’s voice was full of concern as he looked at his boyfriend. Alex’s hair was stuck to his sweaty forehead, a blanket wrapped around his body, his nose red and raw, eyes glassy, and sentences punctuated by coughs and sneezes.

“Thanks, you look nice today too.” Alex coughed, grumpy and tired.

Rian chuckled softly, but made a small ‘aw’ when Alex coughed into his blanket.

“You should get to bed, Al.” Said a soft voice over the laptop, Rian knew it was Zack.

“Can you get him some soup, Z? Or tea or something?”

“You got it, Ri.” Rian heard the door open and close. Rian smiled lightly, he was glad Zack was Alex’s roommate. The guy was extremely kind and a very good friend. He and Rian had talked for a while one day while Alex went to go get some dinner from the dining hall. They clicked and traded phone numbers and emails. Alex was stoked, he wanted all of them to hang out when they came back to Baltimore.

Rian was also thankful there was someone where to keep an eye out for Alex when he couldn’t be there.

At first, he was wary of how friendly Alex and Zack were, but then he heard from Alex how Zack and Jack had had a dumb fight and how Zack had cried, but when they made up, Alex said it was the sweetest thing he had ever seen. Alex kept going on and on about how in love the two were, and Rian wasn’t afraid of Zack making a move on his Alex.

“I wish you were here,” Alex whined quietly, he wanted Rian to baby him, and take care of him.

“I wish I was too, hon. I’d wrap you up in blankets and put on your favorite movie, make you tea and chicken noodle soup.”

Alex coughed. “Batman shaped ones?”

Rian smiled. “Of course.”

Alex smiled and shuffed down into his blanket, sighing. “I miss you.”

Rian heard the door open and saw a cup of soup being handed to Alex.

“Thanks, Zack.” Alex muttered, sipping lightly at it. His sick-glazed eyes glanced at Rian, he smiled a bit.

“You’re so beautiful, Lexi.” Rian muttered, wishing he could cuddle his sick boyfriend.

“You’re so handsome, Ri.” Alex giggled into his cup of soup.

They chatted while Alex finished his soup, Rian commanding he get into bed when Alex tried to stiffle a yawn.

“Promise to call me tomorrow?”

Rian smiled. “I always do.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too, Lex. Feel better, okay?”

Alex nodded, blowing a sleepy kiss before they hung up.

Two more months.

***

He did it. His composition was finally fucking done. Too many sleepless nights, too many temper tantrums, but Rian finally finished his junior project.

He grinned widely when Alex answered the skype call, but his grin fell when he saw the look on Alex’s face.

“Baby… what’s the matter?”

Alex’s smile was sad, his eyes were full of concern. And he had his guitar around his neck.

“I finished a song, Ri.”

“Really???” Rian’s eyes lit up, he loved hearing the songs Alex wrote, he loved putting a drum beat to them. They both hoped they could find a bassist and maybe another guitarist and really pursue their dreams for a band. “Will you play it for me?”

Alex nodded, Rian’s eyebrows pulled together, something was off.

When Alex started singing, Rian immediately knew what was bothering him.

“ _I heard that you’ve been_  
_Self-medicating in the quiet of your room_  
_Your sweet suburban tomb_  
_And if you need a friend,_  
_I’ll help you stitch up your wounds_  
  
_I heard that you’ve been_  
_Having trouble finding your place in the world_  
_I know how much that hurts_  
_But if you need a friend,_  
_Then please just say the word._

 _You’ve come this far_  
_You’re all cleaned up,_  
_you’ve made a mess again_  
_There’s no more trying,_  
_Time to sort yourself out…_ ”

Alex looked up from the fret board, Rian saw tears in his eyes. Alex was singing to him.

Alex was signing _about_ him _._

 _“Hold on tight_  
_This ride is a wild one_  
_Make no mistake,_  
_The day will come when you can’t cover up what you’ve done_ ,”

Rian felt his throat tighten. How did Alex know?

“ _Now don’t lose your fight, kid._  
It only takes a little push to pull on through,  
With so much left to do,  
You’ll be missing out, and we’ll _be missing you.”_

Rian looked down as he felt the tears burn at his eyes. He heard Alex’s voice warble, clear his throat and continue. Rian looked back up to see tears actively falling from Alex’s beautiful eyes. He listened as Alex repeated the second verse and the chorus. He held his bottom lip between his teeth, trying to keep from breakingdown into tears as Alex’s voice became more powerful, singing the bridge.

“ _Grit your teeth, pull you hair,_  
_Paint the walls black and scream, “Fuck the world_  
_‘Cause it’s my life, I’m gonna take it back,”_  
_And never for a second blame yourself…_ ”

Alex’s voice became soft, he was trying his hardest to keep his voice even, but it would break with a small sob as he continued to sing.

 _“Hold on tight,_  
_This ride is a wild one,_  
_Make no mistake,_  
_The day will come when you can’t cover up what you’ve done,_  
_Now don’t lost your fight kid,_  
_It only takes a little push to pull on through…_  
_With so much left to do…_  
_You’ll be missing out…._  
_A-and **I’ll** be missing you…_ ”

Alex covered his face and cried, Rian felt helpless as he watched his boyfriend, his best friend, the love of his life, cry through a computer screen.

“Lexi…” He whispered, tears rolling down his own cheeks. “Lexi, lexi, I’m so sorry…”

Tattooed arms came into the screen, hugging Alex. Zack’s concerned face appeared too, he glanced to Rian to make sure it was okay to hug Alex, Rian gave him a small nod, looking down at his hands.

“How… how did you know…” Rian asked, not looking back at the screen.

“Y-you started wearing your long sleeves again… You hate wearing long sleeves… even in the dead of a Baltimore winter…”

Rian covered his face. “I-I’m so sorry—”

“I-I just wish I was home to hold you… y-you were doing so well…”

Rain muttered his apology over and over.

“Rian, you don’t need to be sorry, I know how much you’ve worked at keeping it all together, I know how hard it’s been for you to be alone…” Alex leaned to the computer screen, he wished he could jump through and kiss his handsome boyfriend. “One more month, can you do that for me? Just one more month, baby…” Alex’s voice was hoarse, the song had drained him, seeing Rian cry had broken him. He just wanted to go home.

Rian nodded, wanting more than anything to kiss Alex right now.

“One more month, I can do that.” Rian whispered back.

“I love you, Rian Dawson, please don’t ever forget how much I love you.”

He managed a small sad smile. “I love you too, Alex Gaskarth… I love you to Jupiter and back.”

“One more month.” Alex repeated. “Just one more.”

What a long month it would be.

***

“Four hours delayed??”

“Sir, I’m sorry, but there’s a snow storm in Maine, they’re stuck until it settles.”

Rian wanted to whine or yell at the airport staff, but he knew it would do no good. So he sunk into a chair facing the gate his beloved Alex was expected to arrive at.

“Fuuuuck, four hours.” He grumbled, pulling out his phone, wishing he could call Alex.

He dicked around playing a trivia game, scrolling through twitter, checking his email.

 

Three hours.

 

He listened to some music and people watched, wondering if this airport had a Starbucks.

 

Two hours.

 

His head bobbed forward, he shook himself, trying to wake up, but fuck this was boring, and he had been too anxious to sleep last night. He drifted in and out of sleep, anytime his eyes flickered over for half a second, he’d register that it was snowing.

Christmas was in a few days. They’d have a white Christmas at Alex’s parent’s house. Rian smiled softly as he fell back to sleep. The thought made him happy.

He wondered if Alex would build a snowman with him. He wondered how many cliché winter things they could during the break. He hoped they could do all of them.

Soft warm lips pressed against his.

Rian’s eyes fluttered open to see his favorite pair of beautiful brown eyes looking at him.

“Alex—“ Rian breathed, he reached up, cupped the back of his neck, pulling him into another kiss. When they broke apart, he stood, pulling him into a warm tight hug.  His heart soared feeling those warm arms wrap around his waist. “Lexi, Lexi, I love you, oh my God, I’m so happy you’re home.” He kissed Alex deeply, his lanky boyfriend smiling into the kiss. They broke for air, the singer pressing his forehead against Rian’s, sighing softly.

“I missed you so fucking much, Rian, so, so, so fucking much.” He cupped Rian’s face, kissing him again.

“Get a fuckin’ room.”

Rian startled and looked over Alex’s shoulder to see Jack and Zack standing behind them, hands linked. Zack was muttering something to Jack. It sounded like _be nice._  Rian shook his new friends’ hands, ignoring the inappropriate comments Jack kept making.

Rian didn’t care.

Alex was home, that’s all he cared about.


End file.
